Caldecott & Stepping Out at Mote Park

Perhaps it was the dreamy heat, or the delectable cupcakes or even the sun in her eyes….but one of our number (naming no names, Brenda) looked out across the gleaming lake at Mote Park and thought: “Gosh, those are big swans!”

They were indeed about 7 feet tall but we didn’t need to trouble Sir David Attenborough with the dramatic discovery of a new species. They were, on closer inspection, white plastic pedillos.   

“Better get to Specsavers!” observed one of the volunteers

This was a day out at Mote Park in Kent, arranged for the foster children and their carers from Caldecott Fostering based in Ashford, and a ride on the pedillos turned out to be their final treat of a sunny and sociable occasion.

The whole day had been a chance to celebrate the amazing contribution that foster carers make to the lives of young people who have experienced incredibly tough lives, often as a result of abuse, neglect, trauma or family breakdown. It was an opportunity to have fun with the children where they felt safe and welcomed and for everyone to come together in a beautiful place to have lunch, chat, enjoy the children’s playground and, where possible, relax.

‍

Not that relaxation is a hugely high priority in the lives of foster carers. “R* set fire to his bedroom this year,” said Simon, who fosters two children on his own, R 18 and a more recent arrival, G* 6. “Not deliberately, it was an accident but it was still a massively traumatic experience for us all. Sometimes the stress goes through the roof.”

Becoming a foster carer had been a pretty dramatic change of course after years in commercial industry. But following a health issue that grounded him and a divorce, he had a chance conversation with a friend. “You run the local youth club. The kids love you. Why don’t you think about fostering?”

He did and was introduced to a new world that a fellow foster carer described as: “Challenging, intense, rewarding. R has been with Simon for eight years and G joined them 15 months ago: “a little child from the Slovakian Roma community who couldn’t speak English, had no schooling, had no boundaries, no routines. He was aggressive but our biggest problem at first was the complete lack of communication. I tried to learn Slovak but it wasn’t the same language that he understood. In the end we used sign language, flash cards, pointing and repetition. Now he’s at school full time, clean and dry and about 70% there in terms of his English. He’s still a massive handful but as a family we still have lots of moments of joy and pride at the progress they’re making.

“R is now a fully qualified lifeguard. He’d been suspended from school at one stage and rather than leave him idle, the local swimming pool agreed to let him take a life-guarding course. He failed the test the first time, but the lifeguard at the pool agreed to give him someone-to-one training. When he passed the second time - and believe me, it’s not an easy test - I was bursting with pride.”

Jodie became a foster carer 9 years ago and has been the primary carer for four children in that time. “Primary carer” because her Roger, a lorry driver,  spends a good deal of time away but her support network includes her mum and a respite carer, a relatively recent development to give foster carers vital breathing space when necessary.

“I used to work in dementia care home so I was used to the caring industry. We didn’t have any children of my own and when I had some time out from work to have a disc operation on my  back and had sometime to rethink my life.

I thought: “I’m working myself into a wheelchair with all the heavy lifting at the home. So what do I really want to do?” Then I saw a social media post from someone I went to school with : “I love my job. We do it all for the children.”I looked up what she was doing. She was a foster carer.

“We Looked into it. Got an info pack. And here we are. I like the idea that hopefully you are making a difference. That in years to come, the children will look back and remember what they did withJodie and Roger & think: ‘those are good memories.’

“It’s incredibly tough at times but you have to remind yourself sometimes they do what they do because of trauma that has gone before. Sometimes certain behaviours fizzle out but some things they are going to have for the rest of their lives.

“A day like today, bringing the children and being around other carers, helps 100 per cent. It brings you back to earth.”

With huge thanks to Caldecott Fostering and all their staff & support workers who made such an invaluable contribution to the success of the day. To the John Lewis Care Experience Network, and their wonderful representative who made the cupcakes. To the Mote Park Rangers and their fabulous catering team. The volunteers of Stepping Out with Carers including Banksey the assistance dog. And, above all, the foster carers and the children for making it such a memorable day. Looking forward to many more.

Sue.

www.carerssteppingout.co.uk

‍